First day high

Today marks the first day of school for ate Maisie. This is her new school, new classmates, everything is new to her. As I have anticipated, ate was not able to wake up early, (unlike any other day when she woke at 530am). Her class begins at 8am. Papa woke her at 630am to take a bath. No more breakfast for her but I packed her food in case she wants to eat rice in school.

We arrive school at 730am. Our notice said that we should be in the classroom 30 minutes before the time. Thus we rushed to her class room located in the 2nd floor of the building. I was apprehensive leaving her alone. Although there were classmates already but with their respective parents. And since I have to punch in to record my time, I asked ate if its okay to leave her she said yes. I hurried with the things I have to do, after 10 minutes I went back to ate. There she was sitting calmly, while one of her classmate was crying wanting for her parents to fetch her. I told ate to picked a book or play with her boy classmates while waiting for their teacher. She instead get a book. I know she could not concentrate because just infront her was the crying classmate. My heart skipped a bit. I was afraid ate will also cry if its time for me to leave. After five minutes of sitting with her in the classroom, she told me I should leave because I might be late for the office. That moment I felt relieve and proud of ate. I left. After 5 minutes I went back to see how she is faring. The teacher was already in. She saw me and she waved, I waved back. Then the teacher closed the door.

I realized ate was so ready for school. I am proud of you ate. You are mature enough and ready to explore the world.Keep up the good works ate, discard the bad. We are here supporting your every endeavor. Today marks the beginning of her journey. Before we know it, she'll graduate from grade school to soon. But she'll always be our baby.

Ice Cream Time

My husband told me that ice cream maybe kids' all time favorite.

I brought Jaden to the office last Saturday, and every Saturdays there after. Ate Maisie and lola were attending a wedding and our yaya began school. This left me with Ate and Jaden every weekend. Anyways, Jaden was a surprise. She mingled easily with ice cream as a bribe. She left our office alone with ate Iya, whom she just get acquainted with, and went to the second floor office because an ice cream was offered to her. She also willingly let my boss hold her with an ice cream promise.

On a closer note, I observed that Jaden is not fond of ice cream. She just think she likes ice cream because ate likes it very much. On different occasions, Jaden will just finish one fourth of her ice cream, while the other portions would either melt in her hands or straight to mama or papa's tummy. Just the same is was our ice cream bonding last Sunday. The three of us were left at home, papa was attending a burial.

We started the Sunday with a visit to ate's school to know her section and schedule of attending her class at the Ateneo de Davao University. Then we spent three hours at SM Ecoland. This is my way of exhausting their energies. We eat, we stroll and we window shopped. I know the activities were draining my energy, but I decided its best this way than spending it at home watching TV. At 1pm we head home for a late lunch. I forced them to sleep at 2pm to no avail. So we brought their ice cream at a nearby store. I should have realized the sugar in ice cream boost their energy level. The small bath tub was the next activity. While they "swim", I cleaned the house. They spent a full one hour "swimming" or playing with water. By 5pm, lola arrived with a Barney cd. The kids were very excited to watch. Jaden however, after 10 minutes of watching dozed off. I was not thrilled though that Jaden fell asleep because I know she will wake up later in early evening. Aside from the fact that ate is still fully awake. True enough Jaden woke up after 2 hours of sleeping feeling grumpy and still sleepy. With much goading from ate and mama, Jaden started to play along and smile.

It was another bonding Sunday. The kids were able to enjoy their two most favorite activities; eating ice cream and playing / swimming in a tub filled with water and soap suds. 

Motor Skills

Every aspect of a child should be develop and for me, the right time to do it is when they are 1 year old up to 6 years old. It is in these growing years that their mind and body are like sponges that sucked in anything presented to them. Today I am writing about how we develop their motor skills.

Motor development is the ability of a child to use its body and other physical skills to do an action. Motor development is classified into three categories, namely, gross motor skills, fine motor skills and balance/co-ordination skills. Studies show that developing motor skills in children help them in understanding all aspects of human development. It also helps in identifying any abnormalities in motor skills at an early stage. When abnormalities are identified at an earlier stage it is easier to rectify them. This is from http://gomestic.com/family/how-to-develop-fine-motor-skills-in-toddlers/.

Activities like walking, hopping, dancing, running, etc. ate and Jaden need no words of encouragement. I also remind their yaya to encourage playing most of their time. Jaden now begins to imitate the video taken from the ballet recital of ate Maisie. She watches it and do the moves later. Or when she hears a danceable music, Jaden automatically stands up and dance. That is why I don't anymore play psy's gentleman when it is sleeping time because both girls will dance right away. We also play catch ball or kick ball. Both girls have their own basketball but it has a little mermaid design on it. Ate Maisie likes to play volleyball while Jaden wants to catch and kick.

Equally important also is to develop their fine motor skills - small, precise thumb, finger, hand, and wrist movements — because they support a host of other vital physical and mental skills.(http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-help-your-toddler-develop-fine-motor-skills_11549.bc.
 Among our activities are playing of blocks. Ate and Jaden would stack the blocks according to their designs. We also let them hold the crayons. With ate coloring is no sweat, its a different picture though with Jaden. Sometimes I felt that coloring pictures or worksheets are too boring for ate since she has done this for sometime already. During bath time, I allow ate and Jaden to scoop water from one container to another. This is a good play for them to develop their fine motor skills. Dressing up and buttoning shirts are good exercise of their skills also aside from the fact that they are able to practice their "me" phase or their independent phase.

Play are the fun method of learning indeed.   

Sibling Rivalry

"Why is it always you! You want me out of our bed last night! Now you want me out of my seat! You are always whining!"screamed the angry older sister to her young sibling. My heart instantly prayed that Ate and Jaden will not be like this. That they will not follow the footsteps of the Barretto sisters whose quarrels are made public that even their mother already takes sides.

My main issue with Ate and Jaden is that ate is not mature enough to understand that Jaden needs to be taken cared of more because she is still fragile and vulnerable. Although from time to time we tell ate this fact. In as much as Jaden will not also understand that when her ate says that she don't want to share her toy it means no and Jaden has to look for another toy. I want them to play together because for me that is their bonding moment. However most of the time it is the source of their conflict. Their struggle lies in the fact that whatever ate holds, Jaden wants it too. In a similar manner that Papa and I don't want them to feel that we favor one from the other. As much as we can, we treat them equally. But this article proves me wrong.

This is an article by Anthony Kane, MD entitled How to deal with sibling rivalry with link http://www.articlesfactory.com/articles/family/how-to-deal-with-sibling-rivalry.html. I just want to highlight a few points that made an impact to me.

1. Current research shows that sibling rivalry is a sign of a healthy family.
2. One of the main benefits that sibling rivalry teaches children is conflict resolution.
3. The second important lesson that we learn through sibling rivalry is that the world is not fair.
4. Let your children work out disputes themselves.
5. Once there is a fight they are automatically both wrong. What caused the fight becomes secondary.  
6. Constantly giving in is not acceptable. It is not good for the child who gives in because it trains him to be a target to be easily exploited. It is not good for the other child because it teaches him to take advantage of the good nature of others. You must make sure that each child gets something out of the compromise.
7. One of the things that sibling rivalry teaches is that things in life are not always fair.
8. Some children need a disproportionate amount of your time and attention and resources.

Another article; Sibling Rivalry and how to help with link http://www.solutionsforchildproblems.com/sibling-fighting.html, says that  we can use incidents of sibling fighting, for example, to teach children how to solve conflict, to problem solve, assert themselves, handle negative feelings and empathize with and appreciate the perspective of others.

I also read on http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080113173816AAC4wLD, how to deal with sibling fighting in toddlers says that,  In the case of a child having a toy snatched from their hands, it is the child who lost the toy. Our culture likes to label this child the "victim" and we have very strong personal ideas about helping an innocent victim! Our first impulse is to rush over and console the "poor upset victim" and to admonish the "bully" who overstepped his bounds. We pluck the toy from the "bully", yell at him for his mean behaviour and return it to the "victim" so we have set things right!

The trouble with this response is that it actually grooms a child to be more likely to be a victim, because they have learned by standing still and looking tearful and upset (under-resourced or being incapable), someone will come and handle their life problems. The successful outcome shows the child that their approach was a good strategy to solve a problem. This does not hold up well as a life lesson. We don't want to teach this.

The other faulty notion is to mistakenly believe that the child snatching the toy was in some way being mean and brutal. No, in fact, that child is also deficient in how to solve his life problems. He wants a toy and so he must solve how to get it. Much of what young children know has come from watching their parents deal with them, and they frequently learn from parent-child interactions, that "might is right".

The child takes the most simplistic model he is aware of in his young age and experience and goes about solving his situation with his peers the only way he knows. He has no feelings of meanness, he just wants to solve the problem of getting the toy! If we punish this boy he may potentially learn that "life is out to get me" and that he is a "bad boy" and he will begin to grow and develop in line with that expectation. Our responses will actually foster BOTH the "bully" and the "victim" idea we are fearful of and trying to avoid!

The parent or teacher's role in these scenarios is to train the children in ways to deal more effectively and co-operatively with this life challenge. It is a time to guide and teach (the real basis of discipline) not to punish. Neither is a victim or bully, they are just two children in need of skills development and in growing their "social interest" as we Adlerian call it (also known as social feeling - caring for others).


With all these readings, and I think it is too much for me to take in as of the moment. It will take time to change our perspective on sibling rivalry from that mentioned in the article. But of course we all learn and I hope it will not be too late. I also pray that their rivalry / fighting will not be as intense.

First 2-day trip together

Relieve.Happy. All positive thoughts. May 25, 2013 marks our first trip as family; Ate, Jaden, papa and me. It was also the first time ate and Jaden ride a bus. Everytime we see buses, ate would always ask when will she be able to ride a bus. We had a company outing. Our first stop was lake sebu, it was super tiring at lake sebu because we have to walk, the road is steep and I have to carry a heavy backpack. Next was the Punta Isla Resort, still in lake sebu. We had lake tour there and lunch. Then we went to Dolores Tropicana Resort at Tambler General Santos. We spend the night there. The following morning we went to Lemlunay Resort to try their infinity pool and their dive spot. We end our trip with a visit at SM General Santos.

The first thing that I observed with ate is that she instantly rekindled her friendship with the other kids NOT her age. Well the kids in the trip were 7 years old and above. Jaden was the youngest. The 2 kids are from her ballet classes and the other kid was from her daycare years, which was a year ago. The other kid she met when she was 2 years old. All through out the trip ate was with her friends. She always ask permission to be with her friends, to play with her friends and to stroll the places with her friends. When swimming, she is also with her friends all the time but we were there to look at them for safety reasons. Her friends all had swimming lessons so I was a little bit wary since ate has none.

On the other hand, Jaden also showed that she won't be a baggage too heavy to carry. She walks on her own, swims on her own, plays with the other kids and she did not quarrel with anybody (except a few petty squabble with ate). She also volunteered to join the other kids, with ate of course, walking within the premises of Dolores Tropicana Resort. It was Jaden's first away from home, and it was not at all a bad experience for us. She has shown signs of maturity and indepence for her age. The downfall was that she stumbled many times because she would not let us hold her hands while walking. She wants to do it herself.

We don't have a family picture though. Ate has her own activities to deal with and it does not involve us, unfortunately. I realize that time flies so fast. Ate will become her own girl, soon lady and next woman. We will be there to make sure that ate will choose her friends and activities wisely. She may have a mind of her own but she still needs proper guidance, support and lots of love. I hope her being friendly does not mean that she is looking for someone to cling on and who will love her, because we gave her enough of those already. I do pray that she will not betray our trust and confidence.

Till our next travel. I hope it will be on an airplane.

Preparations for school

With her ballet lesson over, I want ate to prepare for the coming school year. Ate will be level II on June 2013. In order for her to remember what she learned in her nursery year at Lamb of God ( formerly SPED Claveria, Davao City), I printed some worksheets for ate and Jaden to color. As much as possible, I want to simulate the curriculum of the school. I observed that their first lesson was about colors. Although I know ate knows her colors already, I just want her to recall and add a few hues to the basic colors that she knew. The bonus is that Jaden can also participate.

And the results....

Jaden's

 Ate's

This activity will be Jaden's first grasp of colors. I am happy that she participated. Aside from crayons, we also let them use the washale paints and hand paints. The problem with these things is that the two kids end up coloring their shirts or their bodies instead. We also have the colored pens and Jaden will use it to put color on her face. Thus we minimize their usage. There are many ways to teach colors though to toddlers. I make variations. Its not everyday or the wholeday spent on coloring the worksheets. Children and toddlers alike has very short attention span. Every ten minutes or so, or if ate and Jaden ignores the worksheet already, we don't force them. I told their nanny to shift to another activity, reading, dancing or playing. I also encourage their nanny to make every activity a learning activity, be it play or casual conversation.

Even twins are never alike in everything. For me, it is a struggle to not compare Jaden with ate. I always remind myself never mention in front of the two kids that they are being compared. I am well aware that they have different level of learning. If one is delayed, it does not mean that she is inferior of the other. I will just enjoy and connect with their being children.

Dressing Up

I was not aware that there is a rule prohibiting a customer from taking pictures of the items sold in the malls. It was a laugh out loud (LOL) moment when a sales person approach at the SM department store, telling us that we are not allowed to take pictures of ate and Jaden wearing their hats.

But we were able to save the picture. After this scenario, ate and Jaden went to try on a pair of shoes. I observed that the male sales attendant conspicuously watched my cellphone, observing if I am going to take pictures of ate wearing their shoes. Just like in Victoria Plaza when the kiddos wore their sunglasses. We were also told it was prohibited.What could be their reasons? This makes me wonder what mall would be our next victim?

Evidently, my two kids like to dress up. Ate cried 2 nights ago that she has a very small selections of clothes. And she is only four years old. How many more clothes will she purchase if she is already in her teen years! Every time ate changes her clothes Jaden follows suit. Yeah, Jadens clothes are 98% hand overs. But fortunately, we can force Jaden not to change because she does not know yet how to wear her own clothes. However it is a different story with ate Maisie. I remember not so long ago, ate and I had an argument. It was the nth time she wants to change her clothes and then I told her that she can change her clothing if she knows how to wear one. This maybe the reason why she struggled to learn. Jaden, being observant that she is, is not lagging behind. We can see that Jaden also wanted to learn just like her ate. 

How breath-taking it is to be a kid! Its like they are free from everything and they are protected from the negative. This is the very reason why I want to spend as much time with ate and Jaden. I want to be part of their being a kid. You can see in their eyes there is no pretense. If they are happy, sad or they want to dress up they will let you know. I guess you will never understand  children if you can't see the world in their own eyes. I have been reading so much about raising a kid, and I want to read more. I just hope my doing so will make me a better parent, better friend and sister to ate Maisie and Jaden.