First day high

Today marks the first day of school for ate Maisie. This is her new school, new classmates, everything is new to her. As I have anticipated, ate was not able to wake up early, (unlike any other day when she woke at 530am). Her class begins at 8am. Papa woke her at 630am to take a bath. No more breakfast for her but I packed her food in case she wants to eat rice in school.

We arrive school at 730am. Our notice said that we should be in the classroom 30 minutes before the time. Thus we rushed to her class room located in the 2nd floor of the building. I was apprehensive leaving her alone. Although there were classmates already but with their respective parents. And since I have to punch in to record my time, I asked ate if its okay to leave her she said yes. I hurried with the things I have to do, after 10 minutes I went back to ate. There she was sitting calmly, while one of her classmate was crying wanting for her parents to fetch her. I told ate to picked a book or play with her boy classmates while waiting for their teacher. She instead get a book. I know she could not concentrate because just infront her was the crying classmate. My heart skipped a bit. I was afraid ate will also cry if its time for me to leave. After five minutes of sitting with her in the classroom, she told me I should leave because I might be late for the office. That moment I felt relieve and proud of ate. I left. After 5 minutes I went back to see how she is faring. The teacher was already in. She saw me and she waved, I waved back. Then the teacher closed the door.

I realized ate was so ready for school. I am proud of you ate. You are mature enough and ready to explore the world.Keep up the good works ate, discard the bad. We are here supporting your every endeavor. Today marks the beginning of her journey. Before we know it, she'll graduate from grade school to soon. But she'll always be our baby.

Ice Cream Time

My husband told me that ice cream maybe kids' all time favorite.

I brought Jaden to the office last Saturday, and every Saturdays there after. Ate Maisie and lola were attending a wedding and our yaya began school. This left me with Ate and Jaden every weekend. Anyways, Jaden was a surprise. She mingled easily with ice cream as a bribe. She left our office alone with ate Iya, whom she just get acquainted with, and went to the second floor office because an ice cream was offered to her. She also willingly let my boss hold her with an ice cream promise.

On a closer note, I observed that Jaden is not fond of ice cream. She just think she likes ice cream because ate likes it very much. On different occasions, Jaden will just finish one fourth of her ice cream, while the other portions would either melt in her hands or straight to mama or papa's tummy. Just the same is was our ice cream bonding last Sunday. The three of us were left at home, papa was attending a burial.

We started the Sunday with a visit to ate's school to know her section and schedule of attending her class at the Ateneo de Davao University. Then we spent three hours at SM Ecoland. This is my way of exhausting their energies. We eat, we stroll and we window shopped. I know the activities were draining my energy, but I decided its best this way than spending it at home watching TV. At 1pm we head home for a late lunch. I forced them to sleep at 2pm to no avail. So we brought their ice cream at a nearby store. I should have realized the sugar in ice cream boost their energy level. The small bath tub was the next activity. While they "swim", I cleaned the house. They spent a full one hour "swimming" or playing with water. By 5pm, lola arrived with a Barney cd. The kids were very excited to watch. Jaden however, after 10 minutes of watching dozed off. I was not thrilled though that Jaden fell asleep because I know she will wake up later in early evening. Aside from the fact that ate is still fully awake. True enough Jaden woke up after 2 hours of sleeping feeling grumpy and still sleepy. With much goading from ate and mama, Jaden started to play along and smile.

It was another bonding Sunday. The kids were able to enjoy their two most favorite activities; eating ice cream and playing / swimming in a tub filled with water and soap suds. 

Motor Skills

Every aspect of a child should be develop and for me, the right time to do it is when they are 1 year old up to 6 years old. It is in these growing years that their mind and body are like sponges that sucked in anything presented to them. Today I am writing about how we develop their motor skills.

Motor development is the ability of a child to use its body and other physical skills to do an action. Motor development is classified into three categories, namely, gross motor skills, fine motor skills and balance/co-ordination skills. Studies show that developing motor skills in children help them in understanding all aspects of human development. It also helps in identifying any abnormalities in motor skills at an early stage. When abnormalities are identified at an earlier stage it is easier to rectify them. This is from http://gomestic.com/family/how-to-develop-fine-motor-skills-in-toddlers/.

Activities like walking, hopping, dancing, running, etc. ate and Jaden need no words of encouragement. I also remind their yaya to encourage playing most of their time. Jaden now begins to imitate the video taken from the ballet recital of ate Maisie. She watches it and do the moves later. Or when she hears a danceable music, Jaden automatically stands up and dance. That is why I don't anymore play psy's gentleman when it is sleeping time because both girls will dance right away. We also play catch ball or kick ball. Both girls have their own basketball but it has a little mermaid design on it. Ate Maisie likes to play volleyball while Jaden wants to catch and kick.

Equally important also is to develop their fine motor skills - small, precise thumb, finger, hand, and wrist movements — because they support a host of other vital physical and mental skills.(http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-help-your-toddler-develop-fine-motor-skills_11549.bc.
 Among our activities are playing of blocks. Ate and Jaden would stack the blocks according to their designs. We also let them hold the crayons. With ate coloring is no sweat, its a different picture though with Jaden. Sometimes I felt that coloring pictures or worksheets are too boring for ate since she has done this for sometime already. During bath time, I allow ate and Jaden to scoop water from one container to another. This is a good play for them to develop their fine motor skills. Dressing up and buttoning shirts are good exercise of their skills also aside from the fact that they are able to practice their "me" phase or their independent phase.

Play are the fun method of learning indeed.   

Sibling Rivalry

"Why is it always you! You want me out of our bed last night! Now you want me out of my seat! You are always whining!"screamed the angry older sister to her young sibling. My heart instantly prayed that Ate and Jaden will not be like this. That they will not follow the footsteps of the Barretto sisters whose quarrels are made public that even their mother already takes sides.

My main issue with Ate and Jaden is that ate is not mature enough to understand that Jaden needs to be taken cared of more because she is still fragile and vulnerable. Although from time to time we tell ate this fact. In as much as Jaden will not also understand that when her ate says that she don't want to share her toy it means no and Jaden has to look for another toy. I want them to play together because for me that is their bonding moment. However most of the time it is the source of their conflict. Their struggle lies in the fact that whatever ate holds, Jaden wants it too. In a similar manner that Papa and I don't want them to feel that we favor one from the other. As much as we can, we treat them equally. But this article proves me wrong.

This is an article by Anthony Kane, MD entitled How to deal with sibling rivalry with link http://www.articlesfactory.com/articles/family/how-to-deal-with-sibling-rivalry.html. I just want to highlight a few points that made an impact to me.

1. Current research shows that sibling rivalry is a sign of a healthy family.
2. One of the main benefits that sibling rivalry teaches children is conflict resolution.
3. The second important lesson that we learn through sibling rivalry is that the world is not fair.
4. Let your children work out disputes themselves.
5. Once there is a fight they are automatically both wrong. What caused the fight becomes secondary.  
6. Constantly giving in is not acceptable. It is not good for the child who gives in because it trains him to be a target to be easily exploited. It is not good for the other child because it teaches him to take advantage of the good nature of others. You must make sure that each child gets something out of the compromise.
7. One of the things that sibling rivalry teaches is that things in life are not always fair.
8. Some children need a disproportionate amount of your time and attention and resources.

Another article; Sibling Rivalry and how to help with link http://www.solutionsforchildproblems.com/sibling-fighting.html, says that  we can use incidents of sibling fighting, for example, to teach children how to solve conflict, to problem solve, assert themselves, handle negative feelings and empathize with and appreciate the perspective of others.

I also read on http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080113173816AAC4wLD, how to deal with sibling fighting in toddlers says that,  In the case of a child having a toy snatched from their hands, it is the child who lost the toy. Our culture likes to label this child the "victim" and we have very strong personal ideas about helping an innocent victim! Our first impulse is to rush over and console the "poor upset victim" and to admonish the "bully" who overstepped his bounds. We pluck the toy from the "bully", yell at him for his mean behaviour and return it to the "victim" so we have set things right!

The trouble with this response is that it actually grooms a child to be more likely to be a victim, because they have learned by standing still and looking tearful and upset (under-resourced or being incapable), someone will come and handle their life problems. The successful outcome shows the child that their approach was a good strategy to solve a problem. This does not hold up well as a life lesson. We don't want to teach this.

The other faulty notion is to mistakenly believe that the child snatching the toy was in some way being mean and brutal. No, in fact, that child is also deficient in how to solve his life problems. He wants a toy and so he must solve how to get it. Much of what young children know has come from watching their parents deal with them, and they frequently learn from parent-child interactions, that "might is right".

The child takes the most simplistic model he is aware of in his young age and experience and goes about solving his situation with his peers the only way he knows. He has no feelings of meanness, he just wants to solve the problem of getting the toy! If we punish this boy he may potentially learn that "life is out to get me" and that he is a "bad boy" and he will begin to grow and develop in line with that expectation. Our responses will actually foster BOTH the "bully" and the "victim" idea we are fearful of and trying to avoid!

The parent or teacher's role in these scenarios is to train the children in ways to deal more effectively and co-operatively with this life challenge. It is a time to guide and teach (the real basis of discipline) not to punish. Neither is a victim or bully, they are just two children in need of skills development and in growing their "social interest" as we Adlerian call it (also known as social feeling - caring for others).


With all these readings, and I think it is too much for me to take in as of the moment. It will take time to change our perspective on sibling rivalry from that mentioned in the article. But of course we all learn and I hope it will not be too late. I also pray that their rivalry / fighting will not be as intense.

First 2-day trip together

Relieve.Happy. All positive thoughts. May 25, 2013 marks our first trip as family; Ate, Jaden, papa and me. It was also the first time ate and Jaden ride a bus. Everytime we see buses, ate would always ask when will she be able to ride a bus. We had a company outing. Our first stop was lake sebu, it was super tiring at lake sebu because we have to walk, the road is steep and I have to carry a heavy backpack. Next was the Punta Isla Resort, still in lake sebu. We had lake tour there and lunch. Then we went to Dolores Tropicana Resort at Tambler General Santos. We spend the night there. The following morning we went to Lemlunay Resort to try their infinity pool and their dive spot. We end our trip with a visit at SM General Santos.

The first thing that I observed with ate is that she instantly rekindled her friendship with the other kids NOT her age. Well the kids in the trip were 7 years old and above. Jaden was the youngest. The 2 kids are from her ballet classes and the other kid was from her daycare years, which was a year ago. The other kid she met when she was 2 years old. All through out the trip ate was with her friends. She always ask permission to be with her friends, to play with her friends and to stroll the places with her friends. When swimming, she is also with her friends all the time but we were there to look at them for safety reasons. Her friends all had swimming lessons so I was a little bit wary since ate has none.

On the other hand, Jaden also showed that she won't be a baggage too heavy to carry. She walks on her own, swims on her own, plays with the other kids and she did not quarrel with anybody (except a few petty squabble with ate). She also volunteered to join the other kids, with ate of course, walking within the premises of Dolores Tropicana Resort. It was Jaden's first away from home, and it was not at all a bad experience for us. She has shown signs of maturity and indepence for her age. The downfall was that she stumbled many times because she would not let us hold her hands while walking. She wants to do it herself.

We don't have a family picture though. Ate has her own activities to deal with and it does not involve us, unfortunately. I realize that time flies so fast. Ate will become her own girl, soon lady and next woman. We will be there to make sure that ate will choose her friends and activities wisely. She may have a mind of her own but she still needs proper guidance, support and lots of love. I hope her being friendly does not mean that she is looking for someone to cling on and who will love her, because we gave her enough of those already. I do pray that she will not betray our trust and confidence.

Till our next travel. I hope it will be on an airplane.

Preparations for school

With her ballet lesson over, I want ate to prepare for the coming school year. Ate will be level II on June 2013. In order for her to remember what she learned in her nursery year at Lamb of God ( formerly SPED Claveria, Davao City), I printed some worksheets for ate and Jaden to color. As much as possible, I want to simulate the curriculum of the school. I observed that their first lesson was about colors. Although I know ate knows her colors already, I just want her to recall and add a few hues to the basic colors that she knew. The bonus is that Jaden can also participate.

And the results....

Jaden's

 Ate's

This activity will be Jaden's first grasp of colors. I am happy that she participated. Aside from crayons, we also let them use the washale paints and hand paints. The problem with these things is that the two kids end up coloring their shirts or their bodies instead. We also have the colored pens and Jaden will use it to put color on her face. Thus we minimize their usage. There are many ways to teach colors though to toddlers. I make variations. Its not everyday or the wholeday spent on coloring the worksheets. Children and toddlers alike has very short attention span. Every ten minutes or so, or if ate and Jaden ignores the worksheet already, we don't force them. I told their nanny to shift to another activity, reading, dancing or playing. I also encourage their nanny to make every activity a learning activity, be it play or casual conversation.

Even twins are never alike in everything. For me, it is a struggle to not compare Jaden with ate. I always remind myself never mention in front of the two kids that they are being compared. I am well aware that they have different level of learning. If one is delayed, it does not mean that she is inferior of the other. I will just enjoy and connect with their being children.

Dressing Up

I was not aware that there is a rule prohibiting a customer from taking pictures of the items sold in the malls. It was a laugh out loud (LOL) moment when a sales person approach at the SM department store, telling us that we are not allowed to take pictures of ate and Jaden wearing their hats.

But we were able to save the picture. After this scenario, ate and Jaden went to try on a pair of shoes. I observed that the male sales attendant conspicuously watched my cellphone, observing if I am going to take pictures of ate wearing their shoes. Just like in Victoria Plaza when the kiddos wore their sunglasses. We were also told it was prohibited.What could be their reasons? This makes me wonder what mall would be our next victim?

Evidently, my two kids like to dress up. Ate cried 2 nights ago that she has a very small selections of clothes. And she is only four years old. How many more clothes will she purchase if she is already in her teen years! Every time ate changes her clothes Jaden follows suit. Yeah, Jadens clothes are 98% hand overs. But fortunately, we can force Jaden not to change because she does not know yet how to wear her own clothes. However it is a different story with ate Maisie. I remember not so long ago, ate and I had an argument. It was the nth time she wants to change her clothes and then I told her that she can change her clothing if she knows how to wear one. This maybe the reason why she struggled to learn. Jaden, being observant that she is, is not lagging behind. We can see that Jaden also wanted to learn just like her ate. 

How breath-taking it is to be a kid! Its like they are free from everything and they are protected from the negative. This is the very reason why I want to spend as much time with ate and Jaden. I want to be part of their being a kid. You can see in their eyes there is no pretense. If they are happy, sad or they want to dress up they will let you know. I guess you will never understand  children if you can't see the world in their own eyes. I have been reading so much about raising a kid, and I want to read more. I just hope my doing so will make me a better parent, better friend and sister to ate Maisie and Jaden.

Ate Maisie's Recital

After 2 hours of waiting, we finally witnessed the dance of ate Maisie, the "graduation" event from her ballet class at Royeca school of Ballet. But the events before the "event" was a revelation also.

I took a half day leave to help prepare ate for her recital. For an amateur in the make up department, I think ate's appearance was better than okay. Although I had much practice with her hair. Ate put on the maskara herself (she had youtubes teaching her). We tagged along Jaden for additional "support" and also for Jaden to watch first hand how her ate fares in her recital.

We arrived at approximately 2:30pm (the call time was 2pm and will start, according to the letter given to us, at 3pm). The venue, SM City Annex was already jam-packed considering that the allotted space was small, it was a relief that they add chairs so we don't have to stand. Given the fact that there were kids and toddlers, the waiting time was stressful. Ate played around with her classmates on stage, and Jaden, realizing how exciting it is for ate also wants to join the chaos. I can feel and see in Jaden's eyes that she also wants to play, to be on stage, to wear a costume, actually when I put on ate's lipstick, Jaden also put color on her lips. Then I told Jaden that when she's old like her ate, she's going to do something like this. But when she was able to break free from my grip, she cruise around the stage. She danced and she pose for the camera. However, her excitement was short lived as the organizers got hold of her and turned her over to me.

Even during her performances in nursery, ate always dances with a smile. You know that she enjoyed every minute of her performance. She was the smallest among the group of fishes, that was their costume.

And all the while ate was dancing, Jaden was clapping her hands for ate Maisie. You can feel that she it proud of her ate. While clapping she keeps chanting, ate issie, ate issie (that's how she calls her for now).

Ate received a certificate of attendance. I am planning to have it framed and hung at our room. She already has one when she attended a one-week seminar workshop at McDonald's kiddie crew last year. I reckon, our room will be turned into an exhibits of certificates before she even graduates from grade school! Nonetheless we are very proud of you ate. I know you will be the best in all your endeavor. Keep it up ate.

Jaden's Milestones

It's a relief, I heard my Jaden's voice conversing with me. Although its just a one word, two words, sometimes three words, I can decipher what she is trying to say. A month ago she was just babbling, now there's a big difference. And just like what we did with ate Maisie, we don't encourage baby talk. I read an article before teaching parents to engage their toddlers in conversation. We talk to her in sentence form not in phrase. As pointed out by an article; Speech development in infant and toddler by Debbie Reese (with link http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content4/speech.develop.baby.pn.html) we don't finish a sentence for Jaden. We patiently wait for her "response".

Jaden already knows that her name is Jaden, although she can't pronounced it clearly. She also calls her ate, ate Issi.Everytime she does that, we aptly tell her its ate MMMMaisie so she'll know how her ate should be called. We are mama and papa to ate and Jaden. But when ate asked Jaden where is mommy, Jaden immediately point her fingers towards me. Ate can make an effective teacher,specially when she teaches ballet to Jaden and me. Jaden is also active, keeping up with ate's lead. She can run and can go small jumps. What interests us is that her body is so flexible. However, we are also scared when she follows ate doing a ballet split or a tumbling. It is a joy also to watch ate and Jaden play. Their laughter fills our home and my heart. Its exactly the opposite when they quarrel. I know these are stages, I just hope they outgrows this very soon.

Ate seems to be all grown up. I pray that simultaneous to her growing up is her growing patience and understanding for her baby sister. Jaden is entering the phase where she wants attention, the "ME" phase and very soon the terrible "twos".
 

Conversations with ate Maisie

If only I recorded all our conversations. Below are the most recent, we just have it over the weekend. These few ones made an impact to me already considering that it comes from a 4-year old child.

This is the 3rd time she mentioned about having a boy.

Ate: (all of a sudden, I have no inclination she's gonna tell me this) Mama we have to PURCHASE 3 boys.
Mama: (shock) what ate?
Ate: I said we have to purchase 3 boys.
Mama: Why 3 boys ate?
Ate: because mama we are 3 girls, Jaden, you and I, and papa is the only one so there should also be 3 boys.
Mama: ate we don't purchase boys.
And she left me to go to her papa.

Ate is fascinated by bus. If she sees a bus, she always ask when will she ever be able to ride a bus.
Ate: Mama if we are going to ride a bus it will be by twos. I will sit beside you and Jaden will sit beside papa.
Mama: why do we have to sit by twos ate? can't we just sit together, the four of us?
Ate: because mama, the seat in the bus can only accommodate two persons.
I was not aware though that she was able to see through the glass window of the bus, and was able to notice the seats in the bus, whew!!


After we bought her pink ballet shoes, we went outside the department store of Victoria Plaza where items are on bargain. Ate began to fit on shoes of her style. After an nth time of fitting a pair of shoe and removing her socks and putting the socks back after each fit,
Ate: Mama I want to buy this shoe
Mama: (the shoe is worth P150) ate we already bought you a ballet shoes, one at a time ate. we will buy this shoes next time.
Ate: okay
Mama: Ate can we just forgo wearing your socks? I'm sure you will try another shoes.
Ate: Mama even if I try, we will not buy it anyway so might as well I put my socks on.
I was amazed by her response. That signals the end of her shoe fitting.

As mentioned in my previous blogs, this maybe the product of how we treat and converse with ate Maisie. I pray that she will use her wit to deliver positive results, and strive to learn more. Continue learning ate, don't stop.

The anatomy of the word "mama" for babies

I attended a retreat four years ago and I remember vividly what the facilitator told us; children does not love their parents, as they do not know yet the meaning of the word love. Their love for the parents is their translation of the word need. They need their parents that's why as much as possible they want to be close to their parents.

However, I was not prepared with my discovery via the article I read just recently entitled;  Why babies in every country on Earth say 'mama' with link http://ph.she.yahoo.com/why-babies-every-country-earth-mama-085800967.html. A portion of the article states:     

The definitive study on "mama and papa" as universal terms was conducted by Russian linguist Roman Jakobson. He explained that the easiest vocalizations for a human to make are open-mouth vowel sounds. Babies can make vowel sounds (cries) from day one. And they do. Constantly. As they begin to experiment with making other noises, babies will test some of the easier consonant sounds. Usually they start with the sounds made with closed lips, or "labial sounds" such as /m/ /p/ /b/. Babies summon their energy to push out that new consonant sound "MMMM" and then relax into an open mouth vowel, usually "ah" — which is the easiest. When you combine that with a baby's natural repetition in speech, or "babbling," you get " ma-ma", "ba-ba" "pa-pa," and so on.
  
 Before I read this article, I would feel proud that my children's first clear and understandable word is "MAMA". For me, it means that they need their mama more than anyone in the world and that they will be close to their mama as they grow old. Aside from this, there are also articles that states that babies already expresses their love for their parents in their own little ways. Like this article entitled: 7 Response of Baby to Express Love to their Parents, with link http://goodbabyguide.com/raisebaby/7-response-of-baby-to-express-love-to-their-parents/#.UZLcdMrdGZ.

My heart was shattered but my love for my children remains intact. Whatever the findings in their studies, and even if in their growing years they will express, out of anger, that they wish I am not their mother, I will still forever love them. If my memory serves me right, I emailed papa ( my husband) an article entitled, At what age should parents let go of their kids. The answer was that we will never be able to let go of them, or to leave them alone. I will forever be by their side to accompany them in their journey, at their back to hug them every time they want comfort, and in front of them to shield them from harm. Whatever their reasons for calling me Mama, I pray that I have given them more than enough reasons to believe that I have loved them ever since they breathe of life in my womb.

 

Helpful Ate Maisie

Is ate Maisie ready for household chores?

As you've read on my previous blogs, ate is always offering her hands on things that I have done. This being the case, I thought of giving her a schedule of things to do for the day. This will teach her responsibility and this will also avert her from watching TV or using the laptop. Thus, I told her two nights ago that the first thing she should do in the morning is to sweep the floor. My suggestion was met with a blatant "NO". I was not prepared for her "no" though. So I thought of another strategy.

I realize, reviewing the events when she helped me, that she wants to do things with me. Maybe, this explains the fact that she readily wakes up if I am not beside her, or that when conversing she wants me to always reaffirm what she said.

Ate is ready for simple household chores, for as long as she's doing it with me.Or maybe I can use her affinity for playing pretend to coax her doing a task. It's worth a try.

The word that is “MOTHER” in “MAHAL”

Such an effortless and naïve word, “MOTHER”.

 

But let me tell you a story from the book of “Gobal Nnov or sometimes referred to as GOV”.

The word mother is actually just a “stem” word.

It was derived from the word “SMOTHER”.

Take out the affix “S” and you’ll have the word mother.

 

But why amongst plenty of affixes or prefixes for that matter, how come it was “S”?

According to the book of “GOV”…..

The reason being is that it is celebrated every “S”econd “S”unday of the month of May.  

Highly noticeable are the prefixes “S” right?

But it doesn’t end there the legend that is in the word mother.

Let’s further decipher the usually unscathed definition of mother.

 

As previously mentioned, “SMOTHER” is the derivative of the insensate word mother.

You look at any dictionary and thesaurus books and you’ll find the following meanings.

Overwhelm, conceal, suffocate, surfeit…..

Wow, an insensitive word in “mother” when put a prefix of “S” becomes a powerful and moving word!

In “idiom”, MOTHERS as they usually conduct themselves aren’t grandstanding and show-off.

They simply just do their heavenly smothering acts without wanting anything in return tangibly or intangibly.

 

True enough, I’ve seen how “MAHAL” (my wife) does things with Ate Maisie and Jaden.

She overwhelms them with love, affection, and care.

She conceals them from negative influences and health hazards.

She suffocates them with education and religious habits.

All in all, her doting love certainly surfeits anything that is in this realm of earth has to offer.

 

With best wishes for our family, advance HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MAHAL!!!

I love you very very very much!

 

To Ate Maisie and Jaden – you were, are, and will always be enriched by your mother with

nothing but the best rearing and upbringing tools and she wants nothing in return

but for you to be successful and GOD-fearing persons.

I love you very much Ate Maisie Vernice and Jaden Monique!!!  

Our second child

She's grown alright but I can't believe she's grown so fast.Ate calls her Jade, some of our relatives call her "HAPONESA" because of her chinky eyes.

Her pedia at San Pedro Hospital once said that the second child often are more determined, stronger than the first child. I can't say I agree or disagree. I just observed that it is with a reason.

First of, Ate tends to grab whatever Jaden is holding. Consequently, Jaden's reaction is to hit back and seize the object in her ate's hands.Secondly, Jaden is only imitating what her ate is doing. At Jaden's age she is very observant, she can even emulate how her ate's eyes rolled from one direction to another or how her ate looks at people or how her ate "cries" in every situation. Jaden even gets jealous already, the way her ate does, if she sees her ate and I cozy in one corner! Thirdly, I observed that Jaden wants to be"the ate". Unconsciously, Jaden wants a bit of the limelight from her ate. This is very evident from the fact that when we talk to Jaden, ate wants to also converse with us and Jaden for herself cannot express well enough. So she goes distracting ate so that she can have the attention all to herself. When ate shows off her dancing skills or whatever ate wants to do, Jaden also demonstrates hers. According to the Alfred Adler birth order theory this sums up the influence for the central character trait in the second born: feeling the need to constantly compete for first place in the eyes of their parents. ( from the article Birth Order Personalities - The Second Child by Nina Guilbeau with link http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art14714.asp).

The above article scared me. It is really with huge responsibilities raising two children. However there are tips given in the article Birth Order: Different Characteristics of Each Child, Tips for Parents, written by Marbie Robertson (http://voices.yahoo.com/birth-order-different-characteristics-each-child-4903542.html).
I am just really praying that ate and Jaden will rise above their situation and will not be a shadow of the anyone, that whatever we have done and will be doing will have both a positive and proactive effect in their lives. Squabbles between the two of them is inevitable. However, I hope and pray that they will live a harmonious life, a life full of empathy for one another.

As early as now, I wish I had shown enough for Jaden to understand that she there is no second nor first in the eyes of her papa and mama, that our love for them both surpasses their love and need for us.

A rubber pool in our home

As I've mentioned in my last entry, ate has great affinity for swimming. This cause me and my husband to decide and buy them a rubber pool so that they can enjoy swimming without having to go to a swimming pool. I was overjoyed to see their smiles when they saw to rubber pool in the making. They even wore their swim wear and plunge immediately after waking up.

As of today, I would think this is the most appreciated gift given to ate. Enjoy your new pool ate and Jaden. Good Luck also to our water bill! I hope Davao City Water District (DCWD) will give us a volume discount. However, I was informed that DCWD wants its consumer to conserve water. In the meantime, I have to be ready for a four digit water bill at the end of this month.(sigh)

Thank you May 1

For the first time in approximately 2 years, we saw Papa (my husband) keeping his distance to his phone. In other words, there were no emails, texts or calls. And it was with great relief that he was able to bond and relax with us at Forest Hill Resort, Davao Philippines.

Ate Maisie has always declared her great adoration for swimming, I think this goes also for Jaden. Thus, it is no surprise that we went to a pool nearby for relaxation with ate and Jaden.

As cliche as it sounds, some good things never last and this is the hardest part. Ate Maisie is at the peak of her enjoyment, but I have to tell her that in a few minutes we have to head home. Jaden was already exhausted and in just a few minutes in the arms of her lola bing dozed off. Ate was the opposite. She claims she still has the energy to go swimming with friends, Yana and a boy whom she just met in the pool area. It took a lot of goading and crying on her part to convince me that she can continue swimming on her own. I was firm however in our decision to go home.

25 RULES FOR MOTHERS OF DAUGHTERS

I just have to share this with you. I found this at the facebook wall of my friend, Anna Aguirre. I want to imbibe what the article is saying. I guess every mother wants to be perfect for their children. Happy reading.

25 RULES FOR MOTHERS OF DAUGHTERS

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.

23. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.

Angry Ate Maisie

With deep regrets, I know I am partly the reason why Ate shouts or yells at someone. I was her example. I was shouting at her on many occasions, she must have thought its okay to yell. But now I have changed. I rarely shout, and I told her that if you will not raise your voice at someone you get their positive response.

April 28,2013, Ate was shouting at her father because her favorite song was played on the radio and she thought her father changed the dial. My husband and I would like to correct even this little thing. This little will become humungous if not address to. Aside from that, this will also serve as a guide for Jaden because whatever her Ate is doing she follows.

  http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/consumer/10248.html discusses about Children's Anger and Tantrums by R.J. Fetsch and B. Jacobson¹ (4/07). The article states that parents should learn to calm themselves. However, calming down is very difficult, specially if what comes to mind is that your child is gaining control over you. My instant reaction was raise my voice at ate, my husband also reprimand her. Then she cried. I just let her cry. When it comes to crying, I made it a point never show to my children that their tears crushed my hearts. I want to show them that their tears will not make their bad ways turn into good. They have to make a realization never to do it again. After the emotionally charged minutes, I hugged Ate Maisie. I talked to her and let her see a clear picture of what happened. I told her again that shouting will not get you anywhere, that shouting will only worsen the situation. I hope and pray that if I say it to her repeatedly she will remember. It will also serve as a reminder for me never to shout or raise my voice at Ate Maisie and Jaden.

JADENsitter – the contemporaneous of “Alone with Ate Maisie”

Last Saturday and Sunday (20^th – 21^st of April, 2013) were a toiling yet rewarding days for me as a father. It was an enriching experience as I was tasked to babysit our youngest daughter, Jaden Monique. You may wonder if I just mistyped the adjective “tasked” in the above statement when in fact fathering is a role equivalence of joy and pride thus should not be considered as a chore. Shame on me but yes I admit that the guidance and nurture of our daughters are performed mainly by my wife. The reason...? Yes you’re right that the industry I belong to takes majority of my time and attention thus rendering scarce moments for my two daughters. I know……and I fully understand that fatherhood should not be compromised in the performance of earning a living.

But in this revolutionized world and dynamic era how the “ideal father” should conduct himself?

Is major time a requirement of excellent fatherhood?

Is being a father need to be expensive?

For now, let’s forego the argument and debate on such dilemma as my purpose for this blog is to share to you my experiences being the “JADENsitter”.

Saturday of 0300h, I tow my wife and Ate Maisie to the start-off point of all the accounts narrated in my wife’s blog entitled “Alone with Ate Maisie”. Consequently thereafter I went back home and slept back. At about 0815H I was awakened as someone was holding my arm and shouting “Papa, Papa, Papa”, it was Jaden. She went on asking “Mama, mama, mama”? I responded “office, mama is in the office”. Then my JADENsitter began, I immediately take off her diaper and put on her underwear and changed her clothes. Then I immediately tendered her kiddie tablet of ate Maisie so she can put her attention on playing it. It was my way of diverting her attention so I can concentrate on the text messages and e-mails related to my job to determine if there’s anything that requires my urgent attention. Luckily, neither of significance nor a glitch was found. So I played with Jaden with the tablet until about 0900H as I need to go to the office for the usual weekend meeting and pre-planning. While I was preparing to get to the office Jaden was being attended by her nanny in taking a bath and eating her breakfast.

Note from Mama: papa wasn't able to finish his blog because of his BUSY schedule.hope he can finish it sooooooooooon.love u pa. we will wait for the continuation of your Jadensitter.

In the care of Ate Maisie and Jaden

On the last day of my seminar, The Basic food safety seminar-workshop, I went home with a head ache. My head ached so much I want to puke. I told ate Maisie I am not feeling well and to tell her lola I need a massage. Then she told Jaden to leave me alone so that I can rest. Dinner time comes. She told Jaden that they will just eat without me and not to disturb me. After the massage, her lola told me I should drink medicine. I told lola I will eat first. Ate Maisie volunteered to feed me. This time my heart leaped for joy. Thank God for my two daughters!

My daughters are sensitive enough for my needs. This maybe due to the fact that I am sensitive also to their needs. What you sow, indeed is what you reap. I realize that with all the things we've done to our kids, it will not go unnoticed. They recognize it in their own little way. I remember my husband, when he saw a kid pushing Jaden, saying that its about how you raise your kids. Its about the example you've shown to them. You may tell them to be good but your example shows the opposite then they will just follow your actuation and not your words. I am not perfect, but I pray to be a perfect mother for them.

It is always my prayer that my daughters will grow up to be God-fearing. Now I know that me and my husband should be an example of how to be God fearing. Thank you Ate Maisie and Jaden. I felt well already in your care.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

I attended a two-day Basic Food Safety Seminar-Workshop at UP Mindanao. The seminar includes discussion on the Good Manufacturing Practice (GMP) and the Hazard Analysis Critical Control Points (HACCP). I can relate well with the GMP. My mind already has plans on how to impose GMP at home. However, I was having a hard time deciphering the HACCP since it is my first time to attend a HACCP seminar.

"GMP is the minimum sanitary and processing requirements necessary to ensure the production of wholesome (healthy and safe) foods." It's hard to be meticulous on cleanliness when you depend on somebody doing it for you. I know how frustrating it is when their term for cleanliness does not match my definition. However I realize things should not be like this when it comes to your kids. House helps should be oriented or trained to at least clean everything that the kids touches. If I am the one cleaning I am very meticulous. I don't want to see a single strand of hair or a trace of dust after I clean. However, cleaning is not merely sweeping or mopping the dirt, we should sanitize. It is time consuming and expensive. But it can be done. It should be done if you do not want your kids to end up in the hospital.

Most of the participants are Department of Education Teachers who manages their school canteen. It was great sharing experiences with them. Cleanliness is very close to their hearts and I want to imbibe that. Consequently, my kids will also recognize my effort and hopefully they will follow suit.

Alone with ate Maisie

Maisie and I had a blast swimming at tinuy-an falls, enchanted river and at the different islets in Britania. My husband could not come with us because of his weekly meetings, this explains Jaden's absence also from our trip. I could not afford to bring along two hyper kids that needs equal attention from an adult, more so that it will be a long travel and that we will stay at a resort for one night.

Tinuy-an falls is approximately five hours from Davao City. And there starts my realization when traveling with kids, although I read a few tips but an experience is an expensive teacher. I should have bring rice and viand just in case ate will be hungry. I have biscuits and water, but she wants to eat rice. Rule #1 when with kids in a long travel, always bring her staple food. I was lucky because ate understood and she agrees to eat the cake and drink the juice given to her by a family in our group. Another insight was that whatever happens, put the safety first of your kid. We plunge in the lower portion of the falls which was rocky. I advised ate to wear her slippers. Unfortunately, she was not able to hold on to her slippers. I tried running after the slipper, in the water holding ate Maisie. It was very difficult, with the current and with the rocks. So I just let it be. It was a decision of whether to leave ate Maisie in the water all by herself and chase the slipper. With this scenario, what if ate will also stumble in the water? Or leave the slipper gliding with the water, anyway we can still buy a new pair. To my amazement, ate realize that the other slipper is useless without its pair, so she said that we will just throw it away. The hopeful in me told her that we will just keep it on the side. At the back of my mind I was hoping someone will return it to us, and fortunately one of our companion just did.

Here are some of our photos at tinuy-an falls.

She was very reluctant when i took this shot because she wants to take a dip right away.

This was when we were about to leave the area.

After 2 hours ride in a van, we reach our next destination, Enchanted River. It was best described by its name. The river is indeed enchanting. We were swimming on top and the habitat of the fishes is at the deeper portion of the river. We ride on a small boat to enjoy hopping from one island to another. I was able to appreciate more the beauty of the nature, and I hope ate Maisie did too.

We will spend the night at Mac Arthur's Place, Britania. This is again a 2-hour ride from Enchanted River. Ate had an undisturbed sleep. It did not even bother her that we are in an unfamiliar place. The best thing also was that she behaved. At 5:15am she woke up and when I told her that we are supposed to get up because our call time for island hopping is 5am she readily said we should go. It turned out there was a change in schedule. There were four islands and we dip in every one of them.As I predicted, ate was not even tired swimming. After visiting an island after another for almost 5 hours, she complained why we have to head to the resort and eat. The energy of a four-year old is amazing.

The bonus of the trip was the educational part. Ma'am Rosita Fundador was more than willing to answer ate's question about the star fish, and other creatures of the sea that she saw.

The 2-day trip was over and the time well spent with ate Maisie should be on a regular basis. I am proud of ate Maisie because she behaved and she socialized without me telling her to. On our next trip we will bring Jaden with us and will also share with you all our experiences.