25 RULES FOR MOTHERS OF DAUGHTERS

I just have to share this with you. I found this at the facebook wall of my friend, Anna Aguirre. I want to imbibe what the article is saying. I guess every mother wants to be perfect for their children. Happy reading.

25 RULES FOR MOTHERS OF DAUGHTERS

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.

23. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.

Angry Ate Maisie

With deep regrets, I know I am partly the reason why Ate shouts or yells at someone. I was her example. I was shouting at her on many occasions, she must have thought its okay to yell. But now I have changed. I rarely shout, and I told her that if you will not raise your voice at someone you get their positive response.

April 28,2013, Ate was shouting at her father because her favorite song was played on the radio and she thought her father changed the dial. My husband and I would like to correct even this little thing. This little will become humungous if not address to. Aside from that, this will also serve as a guide for Jaden because whatever her Ate is doing she follows.

  http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/consumer/10248.html discusses about Children's Anger and Tantrums by R.J. Fetsch and B. Jacobson¹ (4/07). The article states that parents should learn to calm themselves. However, calming down is very difficult, specially if what comes to mind is that your child is gaining control over you. My instant reaction was raise my voice at ate, my husband also reprimand her. Then she cried. I just let her cry. When it comes to crying, I made it a point never show to my children that their tears crushed my hearts. I want to show them that their tears will not make their bad ways turn into good. They have to make a realization never to do it again. After the emotionally charged minutes, I hugged Ate Maisie. I talked to her and let her see a clear picture of what happened. I told her again that shouting will not get you anywhere, that shouting will only worsen the situation. I hope and pray that if I say it to her repeatedly she will remember. It will also serve as a reminder for me never to shout or raise my voice at Ate Maisie and Jaden.

JADENsitter – the contemporaneous of “Alone with Ate Maisie”

Last Saturday and Sunday (20^th – 21^st of April, 2013) were a toiling yet rewarding days for me as a father. It was an enriching experience as I was tasked to babysit our youngest daughter, Jaden Monique. You may wonder if I just mistyped the adjective “tasked” in the above statement when in fact fathering is a role equivalence of joy and pride thus should not be considered as a chore. Shame on me but yes I admit that the guidance and nurture of our daughters are performed mainly by my wife. The reason...? Yes you’re right that the industry I belong to takes majority of my time and attention thus rendering scarce moments for my two daughters. I know……and I fully understand that fatherhood should not be compromised in the performance of earning a living.

But in this revolutionized world and dynamic era how the “ideal father” should conduct himself?

Is major time a requirement of excellent fatherhood?

Is being a father need to be expensive?

For now, let’s forego the argument and debate on such dilemma as my purpose for this blog is to share to you my experiences being the “JADENsitter”.

Saturday of 0300h, I tow my wife and Ate Maisie to the start-off point of all the accounts narrated in my wife’s blog entitled “Alone with Ate Maisie”. Consequently thereafter I went back home and slept back. At about 0815H I was awakened as someone was holding my arm and shouting “Papa, Papa, Papa”, it was Jaden. She went on asking “Mama, mama, mama”? I responded “office, mama is in the office”. Then my JADENsitter began, I immediately take off her diaper and put on her underwear and changed her clothes. Then I immediately tendered her kiddie tablet of ate Maisie so she can put her attention on playing it. It was my way of diverting her attention so I can concentrate on the text messages and e-mails related to my job to determine if there’s anything that requires my urgent attention. Luckily, neither of significance nor a glitch was found. So I played with Jaden with the tablet until about 0900H as I need to go to the office for the usual weekend meeting and pre-planning. While I was preparing to get to the office Jaden was being attended by her nanny in taking a bath and eating her breakfast.

Note from Mama: papa wasn't able to finish his blog because of his BUSY schedule.hope he can finish it sooooooooooon.love u pa. we will wait for the continuation of your Jadensitter.

In the care of Ate Maisie and Jaden

On the last day of my seminar, The Basic food safety seminar-workshop, I went home with a head ache. My head ached so much I want to puke. I told ate Maisie I am not feeling well and to tell her lola I need a massage. Then she told Jaden to leave me alone so that I can rest. Dinner time comes. She told Jaden that they will just eat without me and not to disturb me. After the massage, her lola told me I should drink medicine. I told lola I will eat first. Ate Maisie volunteered to feed me. This time my heart leaped for joy. Thank God for my two daughters!

My daughters are sensitive enough for my needs. This maybe due to the fact that I am sensitive also to their needs. What you sow, indeed is what you reap. I realize that with all the things we've done to our kids, it will not go unnoticed. They recognize it in their own little way. I remember my husband, when he saw a kid pushing Jaden, saying that its about how you raise your kids. Its about the example you've shown to them. You may tell them to be good but your example shows the opposite then they will just follow your actuation and not your words. I am not perfect, but I pray to be a perfect mother for them.

It is always my prayer that my daughters will grow up to be God-fearing. Now I know that me and my husband should be an example of how to be God fearing. Thank you Ate Maisie and Jaden. I felt well already in your care.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

I attended a two-day Basic Food Safety Seminar-Workshop at UP Mindanao. The seminar includes discussion on the Good Manufacturing Practice (GMP) and the Hazard Analysis Critical Control Points (HACCP). I can relate well with the GMP. My mind already has plans on how to impose GMP at home. However, I was having a hard time deciphering the HACCP since it is my first time to attend a HACCP seminar.

"GMP is the minimum sanitary and processing requirements necessary to ensure the production of wholesome (healthy and safe) foods." It's hard to be meticulous on cleanliness when you depend on somebody doing it for you. I know how frustrating it is when their term for cleanliness does not match my definition. However I realize things should not be like this when it comes to your kids. House helps should be oriented or trained to at least clean everything that the kids touches. If I am the one cleaning I am very meticulous. I don't want to see a single strand of hair or a trace of dust after I clean. However, cleaning is not merely sweeping or mopping the dirt, we should sanitize. It is time consuming and expensive. But it can be done. It should be done if you do not want your kids to end up in the hospital.

Most of the participants are Department of Education Teachers who manages their school canteen. It was great sharing experiences with them. Cleanliness is very close to their hearts and I want to imbibe that. Consequently, my kids will also recognize my effort and hopefully they will follow suit.

Alone with ate Maisie

Maisie and I had a blast swimming at tinuy-an falls, enchanted river and at the different islets in Britania. My husband could not come with us because of his weekly meetings, this explains Jaden's absence also from our trip. I could not afford to bring along two hyper kids that needs equal attention from an adult, more so that it will be a long travel and that we will stay at a resort for one night.

Tinuy-an falls is approximately five hours from Davao City. And there starts my realization when traveling with kids, although I read a few tips but an experience is an expensive teacher. I should have bring rice and viand just in case ate will be hungry. I have biscuits and water, but she wants to eat rice. Rule #1 when with kids in a long travel, always bring her staple food. I was lucky because ate understood and she agrees to eat the cake and drink the juice given to her by a family in our group. Another insight was that whatever happens, put the safety first of your kid. We plunge in the lower portion of the falls which was rocky. I advised ate to wear her slippers. Unfortunately, she was not able to hold on to her slippers. I tried running after the slipper, in the water holding ate Maisie. It was very difficult, with the current and with the rocks. So I just let it be. It was a decision of whether to leave ate Maisie in the water all by herself and chase the slipper. With this scenario, what if ate will also stumble in the water? Or leave the slipper gliding with the water, anyway we can still buy a new pair. To my amazement, ate realize that the other slipper is useless without its pair, so she said that we will just throw it away. The hopeful in me told her that we will just keep it on the side. At the back of my mind I was hoping someone will return it to us, and fortunately one of our companion just did.

Here are some of our photos at tinuy-an falls.

She was very reluctant when i took this shot because she wants to take a dip right away.

This was when we were about to leave the area.

After 2 hours ride in a van, we reach our next destination, Enchanted River. It was best described by its name. The river is indeed enchanting. We were swimming on top and the habitat of the fishes is at the deeper portion of the river. We ride on a small boat to enjoy hopping from one island to another. I was able to appreciate more the beauty of the nature, and I hope ate Maisie did too.

We will spend the night at Mac Arthur's Place, Britania. This is again a 2-hour ride from Enchanted River. Ate had an undisturbed sleep. It did not even bother her that we are in an unfamiliar place. The best thing also was that she behaved. At 5:15am she woke up and when I told her that we are supposed to get up because our call time for island hopping is 5am she readily said we should go. It turned out there was a change in schedule. There were four islands and we dip in every one of them.As I predicted, ate was not even tired swimming. After visiting an island after another for almost 5 hours, she complained why we have to head to the resort and eat. The energy of a four-year old is amazing.

The bonus of the trip was the educational part. Ma'am Rosita Fundador was more than willing to answer ate's question about the star fish, and other creatures of the sea that she saw.

The 2-day trip was over and the time well spent with ate Maisie should be on a regular basis. I am proud of ate Maisie because she behaved and she socialized without me telling her to. On our next trip we will bring Jaden with us and will also share with you all our experiences.

Married Life with kids

GUILTY AS CHARGED. I was reading the local newspaper, The Mindanao Daily Mirror, when I came across an article, A stronger marriage, even with the kids by Ana Theresa F. Basilio. Children are beautiful, but they're not the sole purpose of marriage, the article said it was coming from Charles Schmitz, PhD.He added, "one of the negative ways a baby affects marriage is the amount of time and energy he or she requires from her parents. A parent who cares for this demanding human day and night may have little left to offer his or her spouse. The lack of intimacy that can result and cause resentment on one or both sides can be crippling."

As a mother I want to be hands on with my children. I want to spend as much time as possible with them. Sometimes, my husband may feel neglected but we were in it in the first place. We both decided to have children. With that decision comes with responsibility. We have a responsibility to our children and whatever happens, negative or positive, will be a reflection of how we raise them. I guess and I pray that my husband will understand, the same manner I understand why he has to attend to our children more. These are helpless individuals who needs proper guidance, love and care from their parents in their growing years. As parents it is our obligation to instill values, to be a good example for them to emulate. As parents we need to prepare them for a life of their own.

Maturity and prayers are also important weapons in preserving a marriage. There are times when you feel weak, pressured and just have enough of everything, adding to the scenario is your crying baby and she doesn't seem to stop even if you did everything already. The next thing you realize you are nagging your husband. Shouting at him that you've done everything into this marriage and he has done nothing. Before you do this, take a deep breath and pray hard. Maturity will tell you that it will not help any if you nag. It will just add turmoil and hurt.

Children makes a family. However, the future of that family lies on the hands of the parents. Parents should recognize that there is another person added to the dynamics of being husband and wife, and that is their child. As cliche as is may sound, children are a blessing from God. Indeed they are. For me, they are my angels, they are the source of my serenity. I hope every parent feels the same.